I want days to run as fast as possible...
I want time to fly...
I wanna jump...I wanna run...I wanna dance....I wanna cry
I want to run barefoot on green meadows
Sing like a carefree bird
Run with my skirt swirling around my legs
Run ....run and run till I am tired
Then sit down on a boulder and laugh away madly till I am in tears...
I want to be the person I was
Or maybe the one I still am but am not being able to realize
But then I also want to be the revered one
Like the ones who have lots of admirers....lots of friends...
Like the ones who always seem happy and trouble free
Maybe they are not that happy or trouble free
But then I want to master the art of being able to appear so...
I want time to fly
I want things to get over soon
I want new things to happen faster
But am scared to bear the responsibilities that come with time
I am scared whether I have the ability to be able to shoulder them
I am scared whether I will be able to prove myself with time
I am scared of failure and the rejection that comes with it
I am scared of the new things ahead
Or maybe I just don't know what I want to do...
Friday, June 18, 2010
Cring Cring….Tring Tring
The phone rings
Who are you…
I can’t guess
Hmmm….and he tells his name
You are speechless and then you remember
Oh yaa, I gave him my number the last time I talked to him
Hmm…its 11pm and he asks …obviously sensing from my response….Is it late??
A yes and he will hang up
You are in a state of shock and do not know what to talk to him
You never talked once during the four long years you studied in the same class
You think and think and keep quiet
Things move on….new topics crop up
Well you talk…God knows what
Then your sis calls saying the movie has started…obviously he asks what happened and you tell him
Then again things move on
He asks “so say something”
You foolishly say “I have nothing to say”…
Hmmm…Well….two more lines
And he says …well go and watch your movie and you hang up
Then it’s back to normal mode
Nothing has changed
You again start thinking …. pretending that you are not thinking
Then you realize that you are thinking and sit down to write everything so as to be able to decode your thoughts clearly
But in the end you realize that it has ended in far greater confusion
So now tell me What is all this….
Sunday, March 21, 2010
1. People tend to think you are very clear when it comes to expressing your feelings.
Problem: The things that go on in your heart never come to the limelight.
2. At times the serious things that you say are ignored as a joke. At times no one listens to you because usually you keep speaking trash
3. People who know you very less think you have no right to be angry or to feel bad
4. This one is serious. You end up unintentionally hurting some people who are not your type. You feel bad that you ended up hurting someone whom you liked when all your life you have been trying to hurt people you do not like but have been unsuccessful in those attempts.
Disclaimer: These reflect my personal thoughts so don't mind if they do not match yours
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
3 Idiots actually got me thinking. What are my goals…what do I actually aim to become…Why am I doing all these that I am actually doing right now…Is it true that I actually wanted to go in for the so called general line …English hons according to me and economics hons according to my mother or am I just saying that Literature was my calling just to escape accepting the fact that I do not know ….still don’t know at the age of 22 what I actually want from my life. Is all this thinking just because I want to hide all my flaws or failures behind the illusion that I was just pushed into being what my parents wanted me to be? Am I really made to do one of those big things or am I just an ordinary mortal who at times keeps dreaming …day or night being immaterial…dreams and dreams but never ever wakes up from those dreams and the deep slumber that he or she is in and go, march forward and fulfill those dreams or is it so that I just don’t have any dreams and I dream based on what the society thinks is right. Because honestly thinking I never actually did or think anything out of the box or did something which made people sit up and take notice. Well why am I bringing people in. I should be talking about me and my dreams. But what to do a human being is a social animal or so it was written in Class 1 science book. Why is it so that whenever I seriously sit down and think what am I GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE….WHY WHY DO I SIMPLY GO BLANK.
We all say or at least some of my friends say, and now it is the in thing or so I think it is….to talk about why are parents pushing their children to become what they, the parents want their kid to be. I admit there are some geniuses as the movie rightly pointed out like Sachin and Lataji who are just exceptionally talented, who have that within them and they know what they want since their childhood. But even though it’s a bitter truth a vast majority of us is just aimless and ordinary, who if left on its own most probably won’t do anything worth mentioning or I don’t know maybe they would. Actually I personally don’t know anyone who has been left to do what he or she wishes in the true sense. Is it worth taking the risk and letting the kids explore and find for themselves what they really love and do that? Or will it become too late and the kids would have gone haywire. I really don’t know. And now, sadly I have once again gone into my BLANK mode.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Oh d pleasant wind and the swaying trees
The shining moon filling the ground with its silver beams
The soft feeling of your hair being gently blown away
Caressing your face...bringing a smile...n giving a feeling
Did this happen sometime earlier too
Oh d deja vu thing
You think oh ya I feel it happened
N then suddenly nothing matters
You forget that it happened before too
The wrinkles on your forehead disappear
Your eyes widen up a bit more
You feel like taking in the view as much as you can
You live in the moment
You start dreaming
You dream about imaginary situations...real situations made up the way you want them to be
Dream dream and dream
Fame, love, respect, power, grandeur, lights, colors, beauty.................
Breath in the fresh air with the tinge of the smell of fresh flowers
Inhale and let go
Stop caring about people, their opinions and dream
Slowly but steadily
Dreams change to passions
Things you always wanted to do but then ....never did
Traits of people you always wanted to adopt but....
Things you always wanted to say but you never could
Slowly you make up your mind
Slowly you decide
Slowly you come back
To the real world
The breeze is no longer blowing your hair away
You are no longer gazing out into the wilderness like a kid
You are not smiling
You are at peace
Peace with yourself and the world
You feel empty inside
The grudges held within have been washed away
Its all clear
Ready for the new challenges
Ready to face them strongly and happily
You are set to march forward with big happy leaps
Win or lose ....you are ready to try n try hard
Ahhhhhh.....You are ready to rock
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
When I saw the Fast Track ad for the first time my reaction was Gawd hw cheap & crazy can ppl b. But now coming to think of it, the theme "MOVE ON" is so very relevant. Its like you just have no other option. The same you move on to another maths problem when you can't solve one in 12th class you just have to move on in life.
There is just no point in holding on to things no matter how good or bad they are. Even happiness is a time period. If we have to actually live life we cannot just remain in a moment that happened a few days or months or years back. Though I agree when you are very sad and feel like nothing is going right in your life, there is NO harm in looking back and making yourself happy and successful by thinking about a past achievement. Everyone is allowed a few chocolates at times but as we all know too many make you fat or at least they aren't very nutritious supplements. In the same way thinking about a past mistake just to make sure you do not redo it is fine. Dats it ....just felt like writing n did it :D...u see marketing guys also have brains, its not just talking skills and all gas :)
Monday, November 9, 2009
"The world is a stage and we all are actors"
This is one of the lines of the famous play The Merchant of Venice. From the time I read that play, I had loved this line. For me it symbolized, the drama, the adventure, the passion that I longed and still long for in my life. It had given me a ray of hope at that time because for me a stage was a place where in the end everything ends well. Its just like the dialogue in Om Shanti Om, if all isnt well, to picture abhi baki hai.
At that point of time I had never realized that all is well wala funda works only for the hero and the heroine. Even then there are tragedies like Romeo and Juliet. I had never thought that at some point of time my life will actually feel like hell and the worst part will be that I will be completely helpless and unable to get myself out of that situation. All my thoughts had revolved around all the praises I was dreaming about. All the envy that I wanted to see in the eyes of my peers and others. All the romance that was in store for me. Never ever had the thought crossed my mind, that I will be the one who will be envying others and wishing I was in her place. That I will be the one saying congrats and not the one replying with a sweet Thank You. Now I realize what I dreamer I was and I guess still am.
Slowly as time progressed I faced huge dissapointments, learnt how to cope with them successfully pretending to be OK with all that was happening with me. I am not complaining that everything that happened with me was bad. I did get the chance to say Thank You for the wonderful parents I have and other small but significant things. But then I was not able to get a lot of things without which I had never thought that I will have to live on. I again admit I was unrealistic, but then a person never changes. Parivartan in a huge scale happens only in Mohabattein. For us we do change but its just a mechanism that evolves to help us deal with the current scenario. Deep down, actually just below the surface coating we still remain the same individual we were when we were born. So even though on the exterior I told confidently that I don't dream big and do not care about the results deep down I think I still dreamt big, still thought what will I do if this does not happen and all that shit. Even though I accepted every failure gracefully (actually my friends feel that I do not ever worry about my results and that I am very strong :P; maybe I am, who knows) I sat numb for days and at the end of all that still started with the impractical belief that everything from now onwards will go on smooth. I never got the sense to think that this might not happen even though I had the habit of thinking that everyone else will perform better than me. Maybe I always put too much responsibilities on God's shoulders which he found too heavy to bear at times and let me down. I always thought that even though I won't be the best, I will get what I want though all my life I never get the thing that I desire for madly.
I don't know how to finish this. Actually I can't finish it off because I will still continue to behave like this. All I can say is hopefully this time round I will try not to be over ambitious, I will try not to desire for the best; because maybe that is what you my dear God, want me to do. All I can say is I will try my best, but no matter how hard I try I cannot guarantee you complete success as Its you who never gave the confidence to guarantee 100% success with full conviction.